What is Divorce Mediation?
Divorce mediation is a process designated to assist parents who have decided to separate or are at a relationship crossroads, to form mutual consents about how to raise their children and, if necessary, to divide the property and funds accumulated during the years they lived together. Our starting point is that even if the family splits into two houses, it remains a family and, thus, the parents must find operative ways to run the family in both houses. The decision to separate is a complex, difficult and painful one. The divorce conversation integrates many practical questions as well as emotional turmoil that are often uncontrolled. Our objective, as divorce mediators, is to help parents cooperate in finding practical solutions, generate mechanisms for dispute solving and cope intelligently and sensitively with the emotional aspects that influence each parent.
During the mediation we talk with both parents in joint sessions (when both parents are present in the room) and in separate sessions (us and one of the parents). During these conversations we reach consents on all issues at hand. These consents will eventually become a divorce agreement or, alternatively, a marital reconciliation agreement, all according to the parents’ wishes.
Our Belief
Our vast experience, accumulated through years of work, taught us that divorce is not only logistically and financially complex but also emotionally complex. We believe that it is impossible to separate the two and therefore, during the mediation process we provide an inclusive response to all the needs of the divorcing parents and of their children: both technical and emotional ones.
Our work method allows both parents to define together their individual and common objectives and generate a path that will enable both them and their children to live a secure, stable and fulfilling life.
During the mediation process, we help the parents see the bigger picture and can provide various suggestions and creative ideas to solving situations that may seem impossible to solve. We do it sensitively, relying on data and facts we help form along the way.
We have the tools and experience that can assist you to cooperate in finding practical solutions and fair agreements, suitable for you and your children, through a unique divorce mediation method which we developed from our experience in guiding thousands of couples along the years.
We will help you keep the most important decisions in your lives at your own hands, reach fair agreements that will allow you and your children a good and stable life, generate mechanisms that will help solving future disputes and face the emotional aspects of the separation.
The emotional turmoil you are in does not always enable you to see the shore, but we promise to help you get there. Call us to get all the information you need to go on the best road for you.
What is the Mediator’s Objective?
As mediators, we do not have a hidden agenda or preference for divorce nor for marital reconciliation. Our objective is to help both parents and the rest of the family to be happy. Therefore, when both parents decide they want a divorce, we help them do this the best way possible, and when one or both of them believe they can rectify their relationship and reconcile, we will search for ways to enable this.
How is a Divorce Mediation Conducted?
The first stage of the mediation is getting to know each other. At this stage, it is important to gain trust of both parents in order to give them the sense of confidence they need. In order to do so, we generate an open conversation about the mediation and its objectives and answer questions about the process and about ourselves, as divorce mediators. As a result, both parents have a sense of security that derives from a better understanding of the process and the ability to filter the negative background noises.
At the second stage of the mediation, we help each parent form an understanding of their individual future objectives, in order to ensure that the final divorce agreement enables them to achieve it. This is a significant stage, as it will assist each parent to know, at any given moment, whether or not they are going in a direction that is right for them and how they can improve their actions and promote their objectives.
The third stage is done after foundations are laid and common and individual objectives are formed. At this stage, there is a dialogue aimed at finding ways to enable both parents to achieve their objectives. During the years we have accumulated great experience that aids us in seeing where it is possible to encourage both parents to find creative solutions and generate cooperation between them. Through this dialogue and using the tools we provide the couples referred to us, we can generate consents about all issues at hand. The list of issues we have to go over is composed of personal questions relevant to the family and of additional issues we bring to the table from our experience.
After achieving all necessary consents and after going over all necessary aspects, we gather the consents into a divorce or marital reconciliation agreement (according to the consents achieved). The agreement is sent to the parents by e-mail to read and verify that it is acceptable to them. After approval from both parents, the agreement is transferred to family court or to the rabbinical court where a secular or religious judge deems it a verdict.
Our perception of divorce mediation is that it is essentially a partnership agreement that deals with various aspects of the lives of the parents and their children. Therefore, a divorce agreement should anticipate the future and form consents regarding critical and other issues that may come up during the years.
What issues are being handled during a Divorce Mediation Process?
Economic aspects – how to pay the children’s expenses and how to ensure that for both homes can maintain their heads above water (child support and housing).
Medical aspects – what happens if a child is sick? Who takes time off work to stay with the child? Do we transfer a sick child between houses? How to make decisions in medical emergencies?
Geographical aspects – What is the distance between the parents’ houses and between these to the school?
Educational aspects – how to make decisions about education and child upbringing? What are the values according to which you raise your child?
Emotional aspects – the divorce crisis stirs the emotions of all family members. In the mediation process, there is room to contain, understand and cope with the feelings of both parents. This is done in order to allow each of the parents and the children to process and cope with the new situation in their own pace and according to their own needs.
Additional questions that may rise during your mediation process:
How to handle all that regards the children when the parents no longer live in the same house and after the divorce?
What will the parents’ communication look like after the divorce?
Where will the children live?
How to pay for the children’s living costs (child support)?
Who is responsible for the children and how to act in various situations?
How to divide the property in the divorce process?
How to get a divorce (Gett)?
What else should you know about divorce mediation?
Who is divorce mediation for – the divorce agreement is the most important agreement both parents sign. This is an inclusive agreement including all aspects of lives for both parents and their children. We believe that any couple with common children (both young and old) that is thinking about separation should go to mediation to make sure that each of the parents is content and to verify that the parents are able to cooperate in all that regards to the children. This is even more important for parents to young children who are required to cooperate daily after the separation.
How long does a mediation process lasts – a mediation process (with us) lasts for 10 hours on average, and these are distributed over 3 – 4 sessions. Each session usually lasts two hours.
How much does divorce mediation cost – Divorce mediation can cost between 6,000 NIS to 25,000 NIS in total for both parties. The price is set according to the amount of hours required to reach an agreement and includes the cost of preparing the final agreement.
What should you bring to the first mediation session – as far as we are concerned, you should bring nothing but yourselves. If anything is needed in future meetings, we will guide you along the way.
Coming to mediation when there are no consents – the objective of the mediation is to assist parents to generate consents even in places where it seems there are none. Sometimes we hear parents saying that they will start the process only after they agree on things. This is a common mistake. The mediation objective is to assist parents to reach consents quickly with minimum difficulties. Unlike in litigation process in which a judge determines the result coerced on both parents; in the mediation process there are the parent, with the help and tools of the mediator, who find solutions that are acceptable for both of them.
Quick recovery – divorce mediation allows for the quickest recovery for all family members. Many studies done on the subject prove that parents who divorced through mediation process were able to cooperate in the best way possible. Good cooperation and communication between parents are the main factors for a successful recovery of the family following the divorce.
The best interest of the children – studies show that children whose parents were divorced through mediation and who continue to use the tools they received during the mediation process are more successful in personality and psychological tests in comparison to children of parents who do not communicate and live in the same household. This means that mediation not only brings a better life for the parents, but it can also be used as a jumping board to better raising your children.
Why is it preferable to start mediation rather than enter a litigation process?
Divorce mediation is a process that allows couples who decide to divorce to reach a full agreement by talking to each other outside the secular or rabbinical court. In a divorce mediation process, the parties deal with the dilemmas and hardships deriving from the need to change the reality of their lives and that of their children. Coping becomes easier with a divorce mediator who guides the parties through the process and helps them reach consents. At the end of the divorce process, we get a divorce agreement written according to the requirements of the law and according to the requirements and needs of both parties. The divorce agreement is served to the rabbinical or family court which validates it as a verdict and makes the divorce official. If you want to divorce peacefully, with no war or fear, divorce mediation is the right way for you to reach a final divorce agreement. A divorce agreement reached by mediation safeguards your individual rights and your children.
A divorce mediation includes complex emotional elements as well as technical legal aspects. In a divorce mediation all of these will be treated and answered. During this process you will be able to dislodge your angers and allow yourselves the creation of a better life after the divorce.
A divorce mediation done in consent saves you money. It prevents great anguish, protects your children and allows you to create a better future for yourselves and for your loved ones.
In divorce mediation we protect the children
Living as a couple may be temporary, but parenthood is forever. During mediation, you can reach understandings and consents with your spouse on all that regards your children. Many studies show that parents who divorced in a process at which values involving the children were discussed and agreed upon, became much more involved as parents then prior to the divorce.
During the mediation process you will get practical tools to help you generate trust and understandings that will allow you to cooperate for your children’s best interests and maintain their dignity and that of your spouse.
In divorce mediation you determine your own fate
During divorce mediation you will be the ones to determine what the reality of your life after the divorce would look like. In our divorce mediation you will be able to get any decision that is right for you, as long as it is done in consent and after you thoroughly examined its advisability. Eventually, you will get an inclusive divorce agreement, unfolding all the consents you have reached, that you can peacefully live with. After you approve this agreement, it will be sent to the family court to validate it as a verdict. During the divorce mediation our mediator will assist you in making the right decisions for you, with no external coercion.
The vast experience we have accumulated during the years, allows us to provide emotional and technical support. You will have the possibility to process and cope with the emotional effects of the divorce on the one hand and receive answers to technical questions about the future and life after the divorce.
How long does it take to divorce with divorce mediation?
In most cases divorce mediation lasts between 5 to 20 hours. These are mediation hours which are dispersed over about two months (in average).
Only you decide the length of the process. Mediation will end once you have reached the consents about all issues at hand, and once you feel ready for the next step. The better communication the couple brings to the divorce mediation, the quicker the mediation goes. Yet, the more emotional elements are involved that need to be solved, the longer it may take to reach a final agreement.
Personal care right from the start
As family mediators, it is important for us to be available for you and to escort you personally and courteously in every step of the way. We maintain a high standard of service to our clients and provide an immediate answer to any request. You will see that from the first conversation with us.
During the first phone call, which you can do with your spouse or separately, you will receive initial information about the mediation and you be able schedule a free of charge introductory meeting. The objective of this meeting is to provide both parties the full picture of what they are about to face and the options available for them. In addition, this meeting is aimed to generate trust between us and you, to allow us to help you in the best possible way.
Creative thinking during a divorce mediation process
During your divorce mediation it is important for us to allow any notion, desire, ambition or dream to be discussed. This will eventually allow you to reach actual insights about your post-divorce life and solutions to realize your ambitions and allow you and your former spouse to go on with your lives.
No coercions – just consents
Throughout the entire process, we will verify that you are acting out of a desire to reach consents and not out of external pressures. It is important that your final agreement will be based on honesty and on the understanding that only an agreement that is good for both parties will be long lasting and prevent any harms for the children.
Using external consultants during divorce mediation
It is possible to bring external consultants to the divorce mediation process. We allow you to bring all people and consultants you think can be helpful. If you feel there is an issue you are uncertain of, you can consult the relevant professional (lawyer, psychologist, actuary, etc.) and, if you want, you can bring that professional to the mediation room.
Is mediation a successful process?
Certainly! When spouses come to the mediation room with honest intentions to reach a solution acceptable for them both, and out of desire to reach an agreement that allows both of them to continue with their lives, and are ready to invest the time required to reach understandings – understandings can be reached! The understandings reached will be inserted to a legal contract validated as a verdict and allowing you to go on with your lives and become better parents. This is what happens when you fight for the children and their best interest rather than on the children.